that one week that changed my life

Looking back, it seems like such a small part of my life, just one of my twenty one summers spent,  yet, looking forward its sending my life spinning in a direction I never anticipated or dreamt of!
This week, two years ago, was the week my life changed. I've only spoken in detail about it to a few people. Now, as I have time to sit in sweet nostalgia, seems like the appropriate time to finally write it down.
 
June of 2011 consisted of exactly EIGHT days, EIGHT, between me getting a Skype call from two strangers, and me boarding a plane to move across the globe to live with them. I was off to be  nanny for the summer! My friends always ask me if I was scared, If I knew what I was getting into. My answer is no. You see, I can only explain this experience by comparing it to one a few years earlier...
 When I was sixteen I went to New York City for dance trip, roomates, Broadway, classes at NYU the whole bit! The first morning I was there: I remember standing on the street, seeing the tourists staring up into the sky with wonderment. I looking up and around, then back at them, I didn't understand.... All I saw was a building. And from where I was standing, I couldn't see the top. As my friends and I walked inside, I saw the granite walls and a gold logo reading "Empire State Building".  We took the elevator to the top, and ONLY from the top, did I realize why those tourists were so amazed! You see, from the ground, I couldn't see it, I couldn't comprehend what was going on, it was a gray building, only later, as looked out onto all of NYC was I able to appreciate the size of that building. So it was with moving to Australia, booking a plane ticket and moving in with perfect strangers seemed like a no brainer to me! Only now, can I look back and see what a massive decision that was, and how it would leave the biggest parts of myself...changed.
 
I left on a Sunday afternoon. That morning I went to church and in a last minute passing with my Aussie neighbors and friends, I found, I was moving to the same area they were from. In all the commotion they quickly jotted down the name and number of their dear friends, and told me if I needed ANYTHING, I should call them. (They should have warned me then and there I'd fall madly in love with those friends' son Josh.)
 
To my surprise, my flight was actually the best I could imagine. Even though I flew coach, I was the only person on the entire 747 who had an entire row to herself. If you've ever had a long-haul flight, HELL, any flight, you know what a blessing this is! The man sitting opposite of me looked like he walked straight out of Crocodile Dundee and for a moment I thought I was literally going to jump out of my skin with pure excitement.
 
For the entire fourteen hours and ten minutes between LA and Sydney I had my headphones on, listening to a playlist made up entirely of Angels and Airwaves. It was the only way I knew I could keep myself calm, as I was realizing my bridge between endless possibilities and reality was closing. My imagination was running a marathon of ideas. My nanny family could be any kind of people, the mum and dad could be classy high rollers, or they could be sport fans, they could live in the mountains or a short stroll from the beach. As I sat on the plane the possibilities were endless, but I knew when I got there, whatever was, well...was.

 (my coming and going from Sydney)

My beautiful calmness lasted all the way through customs and my Sydney layover. And stopped abruptly in the Brisbane Airport when I realized no one was there to greet me. After a little cry fest and a $150.00 pay-phone call home, (you read that right) my calmness was back, and I scooted my light blue suitcase onto the next train bound for the Gold Coast. Here I sat, in a foreign country, with no working phone, only knowing the names of two people, not knowing where I was in proximity to where I was going. You'd think I'd be having a panic attack but instead I giggled to myself over how red the dirt was outside the train window. The second I got off the train, one of the workers greeted me with a "Hey, are you that American girl?" I looked around and thought.... I know Aus has a small population but I'm sure there's more than one of us American girls.... I replied yes and she took me to my sweet nanny mum who was waiting. The rest is pretty smooth sailing from there.
 
Its absolutely blows my mind to think, how little I knew back then. I had NO IDEA I was just weeks away from meeting the love of my life, how on a rainy evening I'd get my last first kiss, how I would obsess over this boy, how within 18 months we would spend nearly ten grand on our transcontinental relationship. How I'd grow to know and love the coast, how I hope to raise my family there. Sometimes life hands you opportunities, and just like me and The Empire State Building, you can't see what your looking at until you take that chance and see it from the top.

With Love, Lacey

Louis & The Road

Its safe to say my lover is the best gift giver. From tears of joy, over little blue boxes tied with white satin ribbon...to tears of laughter after seeing a life size inflatable dolphin. This boy knows me all too well! When we celebrated this last Christmas, my lover pulled out a poorly wrapped rectangle from under the tree. As he handed it to me he laughed and said "Its really lame, but I know you'll like it." not having a clue, I asked "On a scale from one to awesome, how great is it?" Josh quickly put his head down, shook it as he said "ONE! definitely one!" I peeled back the thin layer of wrapping, and let out a loud scream as I read the words One Direction.. My screams quickly evolved into hysterical laughter as I discovered it was a Louis doll, complete with a navy stripped shirt and boat shoes. My love went to the trouble to find this little guy on eBay, as a "replacement boyfriend" while he is serving his mission. I swear, a grown up girl should never be this ecstatic about a boy band, or a doll. Yet here I sit, laughing, just thinking about it!

I had to take a quick trip to Phoenix this past weekend. I left my red cliff home before sunrise, grabbed Louis the doll and decided I wanted to put together a little album to show Josh the adventures he's missing. After three states, a few detours, an Indian reservation lacking in a sense of humor, and possibly a gallon of diet coke we made it! This is Louis & The Road. 

For you, my lover!

Go Lovely Go.

If you've ever spent time on the ocean you remember your body adapting to the rocking motion of the waves, so much that, when you stand on land it feels as if the ground is the one moving up and down. The past two weeks I've spent so many hours napping on Josh's lap, listening to his steady heart beat and the gentle rise and fall of his chest. Now, as I lay still at night I feel him. My pillow has his heart beat, my blankets move to his rhythm of his breath. As I doze in and out of consciousness there's a part of me that feels we're still together.

Josh and I shared a beautiful last weekend together. Friday night we stayed at the Marriott with some of his family and shared some "excessive indulgence" as he called it. As we sat next to one another and shared an incredibly expensive dinner for two, I looked into  my lovie's blue eyes, tried to tell him just how much I love him,  but as usual, just ended up crying. I woke to the ocean views, a snuggly bath robe and French macaroons for breakfast. From there we mixed things up and headed to a flee market, not exactly the five star resort we had just left. It was scorching, sticky and crowded. We most likely ate fry bread from an unlicensed restaurant. Josh bought a wooden bow and arrows, because he's actually twelve. Then he bought the both of us some of the sweetest fudge slices from Mount Tambourine.  That evening we had "dinner" at  Max Brenners Chocolatier, there we had a chocolate covered plate of Belgian waffles and thick Italian hot chocolate. Sunday was spent amongst our most precious loved ones, Josh's family. There was a Christmas dinner for lovie and I  while everyone could be together. We shaved Josh's luscious locks at a sorry attempt at giving him a mission haircut, the clippers we used didn't like to cut hair, it took nearly three hours and lots of tears welling in my eyes. 

Monday was the day I left my heart in Aus, we woke early to pack my bags and pray they'd be underweight. The ride to the airport is foggy. I didn't cry. Instead I  wrapped my arms around my darling, rested my head on his chest, and said goodbye to my world through the window. After checking my bag we made our way to the international departure gate. We planted our feet a few steps from it and simultaneously squeezed each other and let out a long sob. Not much was said. tears were streaming down both our faces we kissed and held one another and cried. The hardest part about saying goodbye is deciding when to finally let go, deciding which kiss is worthy of being your last, forcing your feet to walk in a direction your heart won't let you, deciding  if you should turn back and run to them, and if you do, hoping you carry the strength to do it all over again. 

I boarded in Brisbane and before I knew it I found myself in LAX.  In my hysterical sobs, sprinting down the terminal with only socks on my feet, trying so desperately to catch my last flight home. The flight we booked only gave me thirty minutes to clear customs and security before boarding the flight home.

My best friend Sarah picked me up, how grateful I am to her for spending her 21st birthday turning my devastating day into a more positive one. Lovie called me at the airport, between my 24 hours of insomnia and his phone call from a land of 3am neither of us remember the conversation. Only that it happened. Lovie perfectly describes my feelings now in a letter he wrote for my plane home,
 "Like ripping off a bandaid and feeling exposed, it's a time we feel raw and naked without each other"

Our relationship isn't an easy one, we are torn by distance, but we love each other with a passion most will never quite  understand. And with that we are worth every minute.  We're strong apart so someday we'll be stronger together.

I love my Joshua Peter. 

With Love, Lacey

Reuited

Tuesday morning I woke to the smell of empty chardonnay glasses and the sight of big dipper tilted vertically. It wasn't Tuesday morning at all, it was really some time between here and there, it just felt as Tuesday morning. I slipped my satin eye cover down and fell back asleep. I arrived in Brisbane at six am, my bum was so numb I checked my pants three times to assure they hadn't slid down. While my body was tired, I felt so relieved waiting in line to have my passport stamped, after making the pass through customs I threw my bags on a trolly I left for the greeting area. Josh wasn't there when I came out, my flight had arrived earlier than expected, so I texted him and told him I'd be by "the coffee club" a few moments later he stepped through the large glasss doors, I literally leaped and ran towards him and buried my face Into his chest! Maybe shed a tear or two...maybe. That initial greeting is so strange, sometimes you forget how this person you spend so many hours with from afar is a real person, not just a voice or a moving picture on a screen. We kissed and grinned. The forty-eight  hours since have been nothing but a wonderful blur. I love this country. I crave this slow living, the smell of the bread, the way the humid breeze feels on my skin, the squeaks of the parrots, the early sunrises and sunsets, the kangaroos outside my bedroom window, everything is bliss.

*My lovie went through the temple last night, what a beaming person I saw when he came out those doors. I cant wait to marry him in this temple someday!

With love, Lacey

962.97 hours

and he infinitely carries my heart, my love

i am so indescribably thrilled to see this sleepy face in real life once again. a mere five weeks is feeling like an eternity! the tickets booked. my visa is...well...i always forget about travel visas, i'm about 90 percent certain i didn't even have one in australia last chirstmas. threat to national security, who? 

i adore the reassurance that comes with this particular type of travel. when people ask about josh and i and our plans for the future i can confidently explain our hopes of living in australia after we're married. yet secretly, it scares the hell out of me! and then i'm there. something about the smell of queensland, maybe the warmth of the people or the carry of their accents. it feels peaceful, it feels like home.  more of a home than i've ever known. and makes me question if its possible to spend your entire life not fully understanding the pleasure of belonging.

5 weeks 5 days 1 hour 23 minutes 35 seconds till my feet touch the ground. 

with love,

Lacey