a new kind of apartness.

My Dearest Joshua,
 
Today you left New Zealand for Sydney. It's the day your mission  begins. It's the day I'm realizing we truly are a new kind of apart. The kind where only emails and letters will survive us.
 
My darling, I more than love you, you are my soul.  These past three weeks of apartness I've felt as if my soul has wandered away from me, and my heart is left a little cold. Some nights I lie awake, confused  as to how I can possibly dream when my body has learned to only sleep with my phone tucked between the pillow and my head. I miss your sleepy voice, I miss the quiet silence between us, I miss waking to my face feeling flushed from the heat of my phone.
 
This time its hard. Hard, but not impossible. And this apartness ultimately will only bring us closer together. We're slowly learning to rely on ourselves rather than each other, and learning how to be our own people again. We're still so young, sometimes we forget it, it's nice to feel it again. This time of life we're supposed to feel a little lost and alone.
 
As of now, I'm a little emotionally hungry; I want more than anything to curl my fingers around your face, stare into your pale blue eyes and tell you how much I love you again. It makes me sad, and yet, the sadness reminds me I'm still alive, no longer numb to the pain of being apart. My darling,  I can never fully express how grateful I am for you. All these wonderful things you've taught me about life and love, both directly and indirectly. You've given me a life I could have only dreamed of. And I am forever in debt to you. I know what we're doing is right. I hope you'll smile because you know this is where we belong. The world is changing, and it will change often, only our love remains. I know we are stronger than any time or distance.
 
I love you and it is the beginning of everything.

 With Love, Always,
Lacey