Its been a minute, or months.
I'm still here, still waiting.
Some days are harder than others.
Some days are REALLY harder than others.
But I truly believe there is a lesson here, the price you pay for wanting something so much, or loving something so much, is that emptiness you feel when it leaves.
I believe there is beauty in that empty, and without the assurance of the hollowness I feel, I wouldn't know how capable I am of loving.
There's a little bit of heart break I feel right now, as school breaks for the summer. Some of my dearest friends and greatest supports are off to LA to continue their film careers. It hurts knowing that once again, I loved so deeply, only for it to be lost, leaving a new kind of hollow in my chest.
However, life's greatest blessing, and life's greatest curse is simply that it goes on.
23.4.14
10.8.13
199 Love Letters
I haven't posted in a while, life has been full, and continues to fill everyday. Yesterday was a sleepy day, I stayed up till sunrise talking with my dad. After eight or so hours of conversation my sleep trickled into the afternoon. Summer brings about such an irresponsibility in me, even as I get older, even when I have to work, I still find myself guilelessly enjoying the coolness of my bed -escaping the heat of the day.
Mail from my darling came a little later this week than expected. Usually his red and blue airmail bundles arrive on Monday, this week, just as I was about to lose hope they came Friday! As I sift through his letters each week, I never take much notice of the dates or numbers of his letters. After all, living in separate worlds means I get his writings weeks, sometimes months later. This week, as I flipped over the last page of this bundle, I caught a glimpse of the number 199. Then it hit me, it the past 7 and a half months my darling has written one hundred and ninety nine letters; filled with love, funny stories, poetry, and thoughts. For the first time, these letters felt real. I came to realize how truly lucky I am to have him. I think back to my teens, even with all of my uncontrolled passion and clinging to self absorption... It still took me nearly 5 years to write down enough thoughts to fill one single journal. Now here I sit with an entire stack of letters, enough to fill my pink journal, but this time these pages have been written for me.
I know there are too many love sick hearts in this world, those who feel unnoticed or invalidated. I feel both comforted and embarrassed that someone on the other side of the planet could spend so many hours invested in me. How I wish everyone could experience a love like ours, and in the same exact thought, I wouldn't wish long distance on anybody. I'm learning to take the good with the bad I suppose, and there's always so much good to be found here.
Miss you, my Aussie Lover.
Love, Lacey
Mail from my darling came a little later this week than expected. Usually his red and blue airmail bundles arrive on Monday, this week, just as I was about to lose hope they came Friday! As I sift through his letters each week, I never take much notice of the dates or numbers of his letters. After all, living in separate worlds means I get his writings weeks, sometimes months later. This week, as I flipped over the last page of this bundle, I caught a glimpse of the number 199. Then it hit me, it the past 7 and a half months my darling has written one hundred and ninety nine letters; filled with love, funny stories, poetry, and thoughts. For the first time, these letters felt real. I came to realize how truly lucky I am to have him. I think back to my teens, even with all of my uncontrolled passion and clinging to self absorption... It still took me nearly 5 years to write down enough thoughts to fill one single journal. Now here I sit with an entire stack of letters, enough to fill my pink journal, but this time these pages have been written for me.
I know there are too many love sick hearts in this world, those who feel unnoticed or invalidated. I feel both comforted and embarrassed that someone on the other side of the planet could spend so many hours invested in me. How I wish everyone could experience a love like ours, and in the same exact thought, I wouldn't wish long distance on anybody. I'm learning to take the good with the bad I suppose, and there's always so much good to be found here.
Miss you, my Aussie Lover.
Love, Lacey
